Apprehension
It’s been five days since I discovered the bump on my back. It’s located right beside the scar from the bump they took out five years ago. That bump was cancerous and it’s hard to believe anything except that this is more of the same tumor.
I’ve been to my family doctor and gotten a referral to a surgeon. That appointment will be next week, five days from now. In the meantime I sit in the middle of this ten day span and try to keep my cool.
I suppose that the surgeon will consult with my last oncologist when deciding what course to take this time. I keep telling myself that the doctors will have the facts and that I shouldn’t let my imagination go running wild and scary before I’ve talked with them. It’s hard to stay calm, though.
First, I’m fairly young and I don’t want to die that way. It would be terrible to find out that this tumor has spent the last five years spreading into places that may make it a threat to my life.
Second, I have very young children and I don’t want to leave them fatherless.
Third, I have a beautiful wife and I don’t want to spend the next several years having to haunt the assholes who try to hit on her too soon after I’m gone. BUT I WILL IF I HAVE TO. Assholes be warned!