Nature vs. Nurture
Since I became the stay home parent in December, 2003, I’ve spent far and away more time with the girls than Tina has — staying with them all day so Tee can go out and work is my job description. This arrangement doesn’t mean that the girls don’t spend any time with their mother, it just means that when they see a parent dealing with a problem or situation, it’s usually going to be me that they’re seeing.
It was brought home to me today how much of an influence I have on the girls without even realizing it. Of course I actively try to teach them certain things like how to eat politely and how to share their toys. But they seem to be learning from me even when I’m not consciously in my role as teacher. They not only learn what I try to teach them, but I seem to have taught Cora a less desirable lesson without even knowing it.
While we were strolling to the playground tonight — Cora, Callie, and I — Cora pointed out that a certain car across the street was the same color as Callie’s stroller. Callie didn’t spot the car in question right away and had to repeatedly ask, “Where?” Cora grew louder and more impatient each time she had to repeat herself: “The blue car … Over there! … Across the street!!”
My heart sunk. I thought Cora was being way too impatient with her little sister and that it was inappropriate for her impatience to turn to anger so quickly, but my heart wasn’t sinking because Cora was lacking in this particular social grace. My heart sank because I could see and hear myself in Cora’s impatience and anger: she spoke to her little sister the same way I speak to my little children when I grow impatient. What I heard in her voice was my impatience and anger. I realized that, at least in this instance, all that time I had spent with my kids was a detriment to them rather than a benefit as my worst characteristics were rubbing off on them. And the indictment had come in my daughter’s own voice.
I resolve to do better. I will struggle to keep in mind what I can reasonably expect of my children at their various ages, and I will work to channel and dissipate my impatience and frustration before they come out at my girls.